I think my fart just growled at me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
