remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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