he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
