am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
