theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
