Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
