weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
