apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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