maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
they need to just BURY HIM!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She bit a glass in half.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
