The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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