Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
