i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
