if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
