Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
