U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
