I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
