So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
