I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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