You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She even gives head with a lisp.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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