After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize