Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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