i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
