that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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