Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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