He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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