how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
