So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
