super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
