maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
