I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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