I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
