I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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