four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
