If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
