i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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