come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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