His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
did i just pee glitter
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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