I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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