god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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