Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
