oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
