I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I could fuck to npr.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize