oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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