My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
