Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
