Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize