even my farts smell like vagina
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
