You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
