fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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