If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
