I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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