i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
