Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
