So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
