I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
