I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
