sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize