So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
