you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
