There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
