It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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