i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
