you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
