Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
