now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
