mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize