im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
