Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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