he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Everclear isn't food dammit
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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