I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
