the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
