i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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