well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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